Loneliness and the miracle

How long it lasted I do not know. Time seemed to have fallen apart at the seams.

Loneliness and the miracle

I have often felt lonely, abandoned, as if I had lost something,

but I didn’t know what that something was.

A consuming sense of homesickness troubled me

and my heart felt as if it were being rubbed over with sandpaper.


Despite every attempt I just could not free myself of the pain I felt.

Fear showed itself, fear of an unknown emptiness, of a dark gaping hole of loss.

Desperation took hold of me and dragged me deeper and deeper into the abyss.


I was unable to withstand the maelstrom.

Thus came the moment in which my resistance was broken.

I fell down. A storm erupted within me, like an explosion.


Nothing seemed to remain whole, everything was torn to shreds.

Fragments of events of my life flew around me.

I stood there defenceless, almost uninvolved.


How long it lasted I do not know.

Time seemed to have fallen apart at the seams.

And then a sense of calm manifested itself –

and I realised that everything had found its rightful place.


I was able to understand why my life was so confusing.

I realised what I was lacking

and what had been present in my childhood.

My heart shouted with joy.


The lost quality was back again: it was the reason for my existence,

the primary reason.

It was like a miracle.


An inner spiritual energy had replaced the abyss.

The loneliness and fear had disappeared.

As if they had never existed. It was the beginning of something new.


I rediscovered my inner compass, and at the same time courage and trust too.

I can continue on my path,

leading me to the place of my inner yearning.


The compass points the way there, to the unfathomable one who I am.

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Date: October 15, 2019
Author: Krabbelton (Netherlands)
Photo: Ruth Alice Kosnick

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