The Mayday Traveller
- Mayday … Mayday! Charter 23-8-1, emergency 0-4, requests immediate authorization to dock. Over
- This is Demeter 36, copy request Charter 2-3-8-1. Please state your details as well as nature of your emergency! Over
- Copy Demeter 36. This is Space ID Epsilonlamba/89@rza.seb. Pilot class, charter 23-8-1 of the Banana Starship Corporation. Cargo consists of perishable goods from the Betelgeuse Refueling Station, destination NovaIce of Ganymede. Experiencing data corruption, control compromised. Over
- Copy Epsilonlamba/89, Charter 2-3-8-1, please hold….
- Charter 23-8-1, permission to dock under emergency code 04 granted. Please proceed to Platform 37-1. Please provide release orders. You will be taken to TransOp.
Fifty four quarks later, after passing through the decontamination airlock, the crew of Epsilon 89 were received by a Stand Man for debriefing.
- “So Epsilonlamba/89, what is your emergency?”
- “Well, sir, we were transporting essential perishables for the Banana Corporation to be delivered to the NovaIce Flow, you know, that’s where they’re going to recreate the conditions of life before the Storm.”
- “I know Epsilon 89”, interjected the Stand Man, “please continue”.
- “Yes, well the word is that their microsystem is working so well that more and more Neos have been signing up, and some have even come without badges. The Banana Corporation has been accepting them in accordance with their motto ‘Carpe Diem Vademecum’. I specialize in the transport of biodata and was on my twelfth Belelgeuse-Ganymede run, and I was beginning to wonder when it was going to end, when … “
- “When?”
- “Everything was working perfectly, when suddenly we experienced a shower of destabilizing photons. In just a few quarks, all of the data was corrupted. We couldn’t understand a thing, and no matter how hard we tried to regain control of the flight path, our ship was heading to a completely different destination. Of course you are aware that in such emergency situations the flight manual states: Do not override the prevailing state. So we waited and did not attempt to intervene. After about ten quarks, there was an automatic system data reset, and although everything appeared to return to normal, we discovered that we were in fact about two light years from our original destination.
We were in fact lucky to find you. We came very close to a critical meta-genesis! If the crisis had lasted even half a quark longer, I believe we would have ended up wandering eternally in the sidereal void lost in the form of a ball of gas.”
- The Stand Man reflected, “You still had to make that call, Epsilon 89.
- “Yes that’s true”, responded the captain. “I admit that my luck was based on a hunch more than facts. We had spotted your radar signal right on the edge of our sonar sweep, and so we made the call … and you answered. My hunch was that you might be emitting ultraviolet rays.”
- “That is correct, Epsilon 89”, said the Stand Man, “Demeter platforms exclusively emit UV rays”.
- “That’s clever. No cyber tracks, no eonic control, smart! OK, so how do I get my cargo to Nova Ice? The Banana Corporation will be looking for us and will surely issue a Wanted Notice if they cannot locate us.”
- “A Wanted Notice has already been issued by them, Epsilon 89, and we have answered them”.
- “Already!” cried the captain. “But how? Ah, I get it, UV rays. You tele received by UV rays, didn’t you?”
- “You are quite perceptive Epsilon 89. Yes, we did communicate via UV rays.”
- “But then, that means that the Banana Corporation … they … what exactly are they doing in Nova Ice?”
- “Are you asking a question now, Epsilon 89? Until we receive any new data relating to your case, this is YOUR debrief!”
- “Yes that is true, I beg your pardon. I am however, still confused with our change in course. I don’t normally jump two light years every day you know. This may well be normal for you, but not for me. This is a first for me, and I would love to know how I am going to get home?”
- “Epsilonlamba/89@rza.seb, you cannot resume your initial trajectory in your current vibratory state. You have experienced an electromagnetic disturbance equal to that of a force 4 on the Higgs scale.”
- “But what about my cargo? According to my manifest sheet, this is PRH labeled biomemory gelatin, Pure Human Race, coded AMON/7, with a special circular protocol. In Betelgeuse I was told it was extra sensitive stuff, that’s why they put on a hack cover.”
- “We have tested and assessed your cargo, Epsilon 89. It is indeed biodata, and obviously you have not been fully informed about it. The carbon dating of this PRH biodata dates back 8765 quarks to a period prior to Star Wars. It is intended to reshape the daily life of the Pharaonic ProtoEgyptian era. But this is not the reason for your electromagnetic disturbance.
- “Oh really! Well I could have guessed that on my own, you know.”
“And what about your stowaway? Could you have guessed about that on your own?”
- “A clandestine? Seriously! That can’t be true, I would have known!”
- “It’s verified. See for yourself if you don’t believe me. There, in the survival vault of your charter, which we have scanned with infrared rays. There, can you see the empty space devoid of any data.”
- “What does that mean?”
- “It means that there is potentially another type of data in this space, since according to the Wagner/Collins theorem, data occupies 100% of the known cosmos.”
- “Does it? Then what about the Krankstein Uncertainty Principle? It states that in the presence of an unstable environment, some data can undergo a quantum upgrade, making it undetectable, at least by our current instruments.”
- “That is precisely what concerns us. The shower of unstable photons you passed through not only changed the entire vibrational sequence of your ship, but also of your bioplasma. We have concluded that the missing data has been recombined with your own biosequence.”
- “What does that mean? Are you saying that I am a mutant? So first there’s the photon rain, then a temporal deviation, then we find a clandestine who we don’t even know exists, we just know that it’s … uh … an emptiness, and then in the end I’m a mutant. So I just say, thank you Demeter.”
- “I didn’t say you were a mutant, I just suggested it. But since you seem so insightful, Epsilonlamba/89, you might have been able to deduce from Kranksteins’ famous uncertainty principle, that everything living in the universe is constantly changing. This is why we suggest, if you agree, to integrate a data control process into your biosphere.”
- “A data control process? I’ve heard of it, a long time ago I think. I don’t remember on what occasion, maybe on Nova Ice. Yes, that was it. And what does this process consist of?”
- “You will be placed in probationary gravity for 300 megaquarks.”
- “Probationary Gravitation? But, don’t you think the data will take hold in my neocortex?”
- “Maybe even deeper.”
- “Van Moltens’ psycrown?”
- “Even Deeper!”
- “But then we would be talking about the UltraHeart!” … OK, OK, I get it. Go for the probationary gravity. Rule 11 of the flight manual: Do not override the prevailing state. So what’s the scoop on probation?”
- “In your situation there is no choice. It is the sevenfold mineral multiplication.
- “Ouch! Isn’t that a bit too complicated for me? After all, I’m only a class 2 conveyor!”
- “It’s not the sociopool that matters. But we need to provide you with a cryptoharness for the probationary gravitation.”
- “What will that be?”
- “Sphynx version 61.4.”
- “OK, nice. I have always dreamed of surfing this program. Of course to decipher it I have to start by gaining access to the UltraHeart.”
- “Don’t worry it’s a plug and play. Trust your intuition.”
- “By the way, I have never heard of Demeter platforms before. Are they new?”
- “Yes and no, Epsilonlamba/89. Demeter 36 is a level 3, orbital 6, of the Spirit One Matrix. You are safe!”
