It’s way after midnight. I lie awake again.
As so often happens in such sleepless nights, I lie there and look through the open skylight into the darkness; sometimes stars can be seen, but not today.
Always I am looking for something, I want to immerse myself completely in the night, to give myself completely, I try to look into the area far behind the stars. Where are you? Can you hear me, beloved?
But there is never an answer, there is always just one single, silent, black nothing. I feel lost in empty space, enclosed in a vacuum. Only I seem to be there. I feel my body, but there must be something else besides me, I think. Sometimes I know for sure that it is there, sometimes I doubt it. There is simply no security, nowhere; there is nothing at all in this blackness, only I seem to be there. In some of those sleepless nights an indefinite fear overcomes me, but not today. I feel my breath slowly flowing rhythmically in and out. Somehow, I wonder that I can breathe in this vacuum. And still, still I search for you, beloved. I look into the black night. Where are you?
The vacuum is opening. My eyes (my inner eyes) recognize that the blackness of the cosmos is shining. It is full of energy, like an infinite space of electricity. Not only do I see, but a delicious (odorless) fresh scent (I think of a spring dawn) wafts through me. It is pure energy; it is pure love. Something wants to be born. It has no past. It seems to be the source of creation. The eternal beginning. A birth womb. I feel bathed in golden, invisible light, in love. My inner senses seem boundlessly open. I “smell” energy. I see it flashing, sparkling and shining everywhere. Like a fresh breeze, energy flows through everything (I think of the term: the breath of God). Something wants to reveal itself; something wants to awaken.
Silver shining sparks of energy jump chaotically around in the darkness, I think of the word “origin” …
LOGON found the following passage in the book
Eben Alexander: Proof of Heaven. A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife, 2012:
“I continued moving forward and found myself entering an immense void, completely dark, infinite in size, yet also infinitely comforting. Pitch black as it was, it was also brimming over with light: a light that seemed to come from a brilliant orb that I now sensed near me. […]
My situation was, strangely enough, something akin to that of a fetus in a womb.
The fetus floats in the womb with the silent partner of the placenta, which nourishes it and mediates its relationship to the everywhere present yet at the same time invisible mother.
In this case, the “mother“ was God, the Creator, the Source who is responsible for making the universe and all in it.
This Being was so close that there seemed to be no distance at all between God and myself. Yet at the same time, I could sense the infinite vastness of the Creator, could see how completely minuscule I was by comparison. […]
It was as if I were being born into a larger world, and the universe itself was like a giant cosmic womb.”
(p. 47)
Eben Alexander quotes the English poet Henry Vaughan (17. century):
There is, some say, in God a deep but dazzling darkness …
