Experiencing the inner Light is a joy incomparable to any other feeling activity whatsoever.
It is an inner Light, without an outer form. Something like being in love with love itself.
But this experience can also wake me up. The reality around me? Isn’t there a sharp contrast?
It appears to me that I am living in some sort of bubble. If things are going reasonably well for me, with, say, house-hugging, I can feel a kind of contentment wash over me.
Which is however severely disrupted if something happens to me, or to my child. Which can then completely undermine me.
And then the question: what about the neighbour’s child?
I come across the fact that others are not doing so well at all. They go through all sorts of things. Illnesses, nasty emotional situations, and so on. And beyond that: what kind of world is this? And what I read about Ukraine or Gaza, for example? When I allow that to sink in, I can get the feeling: if I were to experience that, would I be able to sustain the focus on the other, could I then still hold on to Love? Fear, of course. But also egocentrism. This is confusing. But what if I listen carefully to that inner voice that speaks of Love? Can I take the experience of this contrast into the depths? Of a reflection?
Then the next question pops up: do I actually have the right to be happy, when some one else is not?
It is the Light that causes this lament. The contrast sharpens. It is also a kind of unmasking of my I-being. Through the efficacy of the Light I can face it; can I bear to become aware of reality. Can I endure the unveiled reality.
Can I now step out of the bubble without letting go of Love? While longing to keep standing in Love and stepping out of the bubble of my I, can I embrace reality with that Love? Connect what is above with what is below? I cannot do this myself. Only God can do that, and does that. Thus I understand the plan. I can be a part of that plan. Be a fellow worker. And this desire grows, swells into a hurricane. Thus the following words from the Sermon on the Mount can begin to speak.
Blessed are those who mourn. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.
Being blessed, not becoming blessed. Inner fulfilment, how magnificent! By accepting suffering, by breaking open that self-satisfied bubble. Cooperating in the happiness and well-being of the entire humanity. Being allowed to cooperate in the plan of a higher order and intelligence, that knows how every human being must be helped. Awareness of the perfect state of being. Awareness of the ‘Thy will be done’. And also: ‘it is accomplished’. As an inner experience. An eternal ‘being blessed’.
