Where is my attention focused?
Attention often appears as a point that whirls around. As if it can only be focused on one point, one thing at a time: something I see, or feel, a thought, a piece of memory. It whirls around, chaotically in whirlwinds of thoughts and feelings.
There is actually only a very small part in my field of vision in which my eye can see clearly. A small part in the field of vision in the middle. Because I am constantly scanning around with my eyes, moving back and forth, I have the illusion that I see everything clearly. That there is a whole that I perceive. But I actually only have an idea of the whole. I do not really see the whole.
It is more or less the same with thoughts. Only one thought fits in my head at a time. Just like when I read or write. My attention encompasses one thought, a few words or concepts. When I speak, I also do so word by word. My attention is always limited to one thought, one memory, one feeling, a very small part of our entire reality. The brain tries to make a whole out of it. A representation of the whole with the help of my memory, so that I can act somewhat meaningfully in that world that I have a representation of. The representation expands through experiences, that is how we ‘learn’.
Isn’t my point of attention very chaotic? It determines itself on a splinter, a fraction of everything, also of the reality that I am myself. As if I am almost never completely with myself. Yes, what is that chatter in my head actually? Isn’t that a narrowing of consciousness, a limitation?
A small, whirling point of attention. Do I have control over it? Does it make me happy?
What is the core of my being?
What are leading determining forces? Isn’t my attention determined by goals of my desires and needs? Desire for goals in the future and trying to achieve that with thinking and acting. One point of attention that constantly scans around to determine its position. Also opposition. In animals you also recognize that point, that must be constantly vigilant. Whether it is safe, or where there is food. There is a development to be seen in this nature of life and consciousness, from plant to animal to human. In this way consciousness has developed into the I-consciousness that I am now.
My attention always reflects a piece, a piece of everything of the whole. And if I now try not to fix my attention on one thought, one few words or whatever, but only listen in the silence within and realize that everything is, that I am, in not knowing, not understanding, and remain still in wonder in all tranquility. Turning inward to the source of my consciousness to all consciousness and life.
Attention to the whole. In this way, consciousness can awaken from the divine spark, one with the source of everything. Rosicrucians also call this the primordial atom. A very special activity is described by J. van Rijckenborgh in the book about the Pistis Sophia in the chapter about the primordial atom. What happens when you are able to continuously focus your attention on that primordial atom. When your consciousness focuses on the divine spark in the heart, that piece of gold that is the source of everything, the connection with the whole, the all, the realization grows that everything is, simultaneously and everywhere. Every thought or interpretation by your ego disrupts this realization. Then something touches you, you taste something that you cannot put into words, but a deep longing arises in which your attention can now immerse itself. So that it grows, becomes stronger. The spark becomes fire.
I now realize that I have to surrender myself, let go in order to disappear into this source.
The source presents itself as Love itself. Thus you stand in the gate where the I disappears and everything else reveals itself. Standing in the desire for that one, that one, that you have recognized in loving embrace. Your consciousness can become like a ripple-free lake where the Light can reflect. Then the Light touches you and you become one with it. Desire for Love, give to Love. Like an inhalation and an exhalation. Slowly you become aware of a twofold flow of power. Receiving everything, surrendering everything. Consciousness of ‘everything at the same time and everywhere’ blossoms open, is Love. Many mystical testimonies from various traditions speak of a ‘stepping out of time’. For example, Krishnamurti often speaks of ‘the end of time’. He sees that as a future for humanity. The I realizes the limitation, and knows that it must die from the limitation of the lonely whirling point of attention and now stands on the threshold of ‘fullness’ in surrender. Reversal of consciousness. Read the story about the Emmaus pilgrims (The Living Word, Catharose de Petri). The story after the crucifixion. After the resurrection. The lonely, abandoned consciousness cannot grasp it, cannot understand it. There is no more form, I-consciousness now has no hold anymore. But He, the risen one, is recognized inwardly by Love, the breaking of the bread, the giving. The only compass we possess is the recognition of the spirit spark, that is Love. Let it grow through your attention, through the source of Love itself. In this way the I-feeling dissolves and the drop is dissolved in the ocean. Leave everything behind and keep Love alone.
